There it was, just lying on its back. Its black-spotted wings were still curled, its body swollen, its legs in the air. It moved intermittently, but it couldn't fly.

I was at Butterfly Wonderland in Scottsdale, Arizona, standing in the "Emergence" area, where hundreds of chrysalids hang as butterflies complete the final stages of metamorphosis. All around this butterfly, others were at varying stages of emergence. Some had just emerged, their wings still curled and bodies swollen. Others had fully extended wings but were still hanging onto their chrysalids. And some were already flying.

But this one had somehow disconnected too soon. It had transformed. It had emerged. It was a butterfly. But it wasn't ready to fly. And now, lying beneath the others, it couldn't complete the preparation process required to get its new body ready for flight.

I couldn't stop looking at it, because it made me think about how easy it is to assume that once something has transformed, it's ready to be released. Ready to fly. It's transformed. It's taken its new form. Why can't we just release it into the world now?

One similar experience that comes to mind is the release of the Targeted Pain Treatment documentary. We had worked on that documentary for almost two years. When we finally completed it and received final approvals in early January 2024, I just knew it was ready for the world to see. And let me tell you, I could see it! A big cinematic premiere. Rent out a movie theater. Red carpet. The whole nine yards.

But that's not what happened.

Several months later, we held a much smaller, private premiere at the medical center. It was quite special, with the patients featured in the documentary, our philanthropic donors, colleagues, and members of the teams that had made it possible. It was well received.

And then everything seemed to go quiet.

What I couldn't see was what was happening in the background. The medical center's PR and media team was working diligently to find the right home for the film—somewhere it could be viewed widely and without barriers. Eventually, Targeted Pain Treatment: Hope for Patients with Pain premiered on East Tennessee PBS on January 8, 2025, and was later picked up by PBS.org, where it could reach viewers across the country and even internationally.

And here's the part that matters most to me. At least a couple of times a week, I see a patient who tells me they watched the documentary or that someone shared it with them. And often, they tell me it gave them hope.

That's why we created it. Not for a red carpet. Not for a big premiere. To give people living with pain hope.

Looking back, I see that period of waiting differently. What felt like quiet wasn't inactivity. The documentary was finished, but the pathway through which it could fulfill its purpose was still being prepared.

And that brings me back to the butterfly. The preparation stage of personal transformation is like that period after emergence. The butterfly has transformed. It has taken its new form. But it isn't yet ready to fly. There is still strengthening and redistribution that has to occur before those new wings can carry it where it needs to go.

If I'm honest, Preparation makes me almost as uncomfortable as Transformation. The transformation has happened. The new form is visible. So why can't we fly yet?

Maybe the pause doesn't mean something has gone wrong. Maybe our wings are still strengthening. Or maybe, as I learned with the documentary, the right connections, conditions, or pathways are still being put into place.

Emergence is not the same thing as readiness. Sometimes we have to resist the urge to take off simply because we have wings. Preparation isn't wasted time. Sometimes the pause is exactly what allows what has emerged to fulfill its purpose.

So if you find yourself thinking, I'm ready. Why am I still here?, perhaps nothing has gone wrong. Maybe your wings are still strengthening. Maybe the pathway is still being prepared. Maybe you're simply not ready to fly...yet. 🦋

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Stephanie G. Vanterpool, MD, MBA
​Physician • Educator • Researcher • Writer
​Founder, Blueprints & Butterflies

P.S. Want to see the documentary I mentioned? Watch Targeted Pain Treatment: Hope for Patients with Pain on PBS. I hope it gives you hope, too

P.P.S. If this reflection resonated with you, share it with someone who may need it too. They can join us at BlueprintsandButterflies.com 🦋

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